44. Our parents were kids once

Do you ever really think about that? Like, in a deeply understanding and empathetic way. Imagining they had a childhood that was fun (maybe not), and innocent like ours. Had a teenage phase probably as complicated as ours (again, maybe not), with dreams as colourful as ours. And that they were young adults once, figuring things out for the first time and becoming parents for the first time.

Like, do you really, really think about that? And fully visualise that they were just like us. But they definitely had a life that was much harder than ours.

My parents definitely had to deal with more shit than I ever had to in my thirties. In her 30s, at my age now, or my sister’s current age, my mother was dealing with banks, notices threatening attachment of property, and the uncertainty that came with it. Along with that came creditors, sending two kids to school, preparing all their meals, and managing her 9 to 5 job, all on her own. My dad was away, trying to get the family out of debt.

Man, I cannot even fathom how hard that must have been. My biggest problems are not having enough vacation days to go to Antarctica, choosing between comfort and legroom on a flight, or being irritated by an annoying co-worker.

Now, as we notice them getting older, and as we are getting wiser, I am starting to see it. In the first three decades of my life, it never really occurred to me that way. Duh, it is obvious. Everybody was a kid once. But knowing something and truly understanding it are very different.

Now I understand it. I look at my parents differently. I have always been a decent kid. I did not create a lot of problems as a teenager, did not talk back much, maybe very rarely. I’ll never know if I’m a good son, but I try to be.

But understanding what I just said above has given me a very different perspective on how I talk to my parents. They are just people. They have their fears, anxiety, and dreams, which they probably sacrificed so that I could have mine.

I think it is a phase. You notice your parents getting older, and you slowly accept that time is not on your side. Someday, we will exist in this world without them, and that honestly scares the shit out of me. All you can really do is cherish the time. It is finite.